Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Visceral pain.

Friends, I wanted to post a brief update after a very difficult morning. I don't feel up to talking to anyone today, so I'm sending this message to all of my dear friends and family.
I was able to sit with my sweet Joshua this morning for a while. I touched his hands, his feet, his scruffy red beard, and some of his beautiful face. I saw his blonde hair and got a lock for a keepsake. I have his clothing, pendant, and a drawing that was in his pocket. It was not easy, and the images playing on a loop in my head didn't quite prepare me for the reality of seeing him. But, as time passed, his face came into focus for me a little better. Thank all for your thoughts today. I feel tired, but a sense of relief is washing over me. 
I do know that I could not have imagined walking through this grief without each and everyone of you touching me in your own way. It's been a little overwhelming, the sheer volume of emails, text and phone calls I received over the past five days. Please know that each of you hold to special place in my heart and my mind. And please know that I thank all of you for your continued support. Although I'm quiet now, I will need to lean on many of you in the coming months.

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