Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Strange but true.

Many of you may know this story, but I want to share for those who do not. For many years, I have always "looked for signs" in life to help guide decisions. Beginning around 2004, hummingbirds have been a special sign for me, telling me it was okay to move on to the future, for whatever I was contemplating. It's funny; hummingbirds have shown up in very odd places, including the tarmac at Sunport Airport in Albuquerque in 2010, when we were trying to decide on moving to New Mexico. I have had signs from my dad since shortly after his death in 1994, but he always left pennies for me in odd places. Over the past four days, I have struggled with the emptiness left from my son Joshua's suicide; trying to come to grips with the lack of feeling in my gut. The other day, his friend sent me pictures of a pyre they built in his honor; a pyre is a ceremonial place where in other cultures the body is cremated, but in this case, they took a few physical remains left behind, as well as some personal items that Joshua owned, and they burned them on the pyre. This morning, as the embers smoldered, someone placed this rose on the pyre, and as they took a picture, a hummingbird flew into the frame. I am astounded and feeling overwhelmed by this picture. Finally, I feel like it is a bit of peace for me. And, I hope after I see my beautiful son one last time tomorrow morning, I think I can connect with him on another level, and start to grieve and heal. Hummingbirds have always been a love of mine, and so many times over the years, they have come to me for various reasons. Maybe this is his "sign" to me that he has moved on and is at peace. Maybe I can use this image to start moving towards my own healing. These precious, fragile birds remind of of Joshua's hurting, friable soul, and now have an even deeper meaning. Peace.

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