Sunday, April 10, 2016

A lifetime.

A lifetime ago; he was still growing inside me, 9 months gestation, with a few days to go. I could feel him kick, twist and turn, as he ran out of space. It gave me joy.

A lifetime ago; he was still a little 9-month old baby. I could watch him smile, change and laugh, as  he grew. It gave me joy.

A lifetime ago; he was alive and as happy as I've seen him in a long time. I could hear him sing, watch him with his friends and see him play music, as he became his own person. It gave me joy.

Nine months; feels like a lifetime ago. But it's not long at all. It's funny how a pregnancy seems to go on forever, and infancy flies by, except for the nights when you wish they would sleep through. Now nine months after his death, it feels like yesterday, and it also feels like it was a lifetime ago. Grief has it's own clock.

I cry.
I ache.
I wish.
I hope.
I think.
I grieve.
I dream.
I wonder.
I struggle.

I live.
I move forward.
Time waits for no one.