Thursday, December 31, 2015

A New Year.

As I look back on 2015, I have to admit most of the good things are washed away with the memory of what we have lost. Stumbling through the days following Joshua's death; the calls to the sheriff, the calls to the medical examiner, authorizing his body to be transferred to a funeral home, seeing him for the last time, collecting his belongings from Taos, picking up his ashes, picking up his death certificates and reading his autopsy report. Those are the things that I so keenly remember. As the end draws to a close, my hope is that I am able to recapture some of the joy I have always had for life; don't get me wrong, I do still feel joy in many, many things. But, it is different now, and I think, 174 days later, I am finding my new normal. The year 2016 brings many wonderful things to look forward to, so I will begin to refocus my energy on the good, and hope that it continues to bring me healing. For now, I will share a poem I wrote.

Now That He is Gone

I can cry because he is gone,
Or I can smile because of the life he lived.

I can close my eyes and hope he will come back,
Or I can open my eyes to see the beauty he left behind.

My heart can feel empty because I can’t see him,
Or I can be full of the times I feel him around me.

I can turn away from my future,
Or I can live on and honor his memory.

I can wish for yesterdays,
Or I can look forward to tomorrow.

I can remember only that he is not here,
Or I can cherish each day I had with him.

I can close my mind to new things, and turn my back on what’s next,
Or I can live on, smile about him and keep my eyes wide open as I walk into my future.

I choose to remember. I choose to walk forward. And, I have to teach my heart that my walking forward is not leaving him behind.

Peace and Love for 2016



  1. Anne,
    The poem is so beautiful and I know it is straight from you heart. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers always,

  2. i wish, pray a lot happen in your life in 2016 to give you beautiful memories